Networking tips if you hate networking
Here are some common reasons why you might hate networking and some alternate ways to approach it:
(1) You feel awkward because it’s a room full of people you don’t know
You and literally everyone else in the room, babe. Networking events are one of the few places where you are totally allowed to go up to a stranger and just chat them up. The easiest way to break out of your anxiety is to pick one person, go up to them, and ask their name. (They will appreciate that you did!) Everything else will flow.
(2) You want to ask for something/talk about what you do, but don’t want to come off as too sales-y
Everyone is selling (and buying), let’s first normalize that. Jobs, clients, customers, collaborations, introductions, information, more social media followers, and last but not least, genuine connection in a lonely world.
And there is a way to sell without being too sales-y. The fundamental gripe there comes down consent.
We all know the feeling of being accosted by someone trying to get us to buy something we’re not interested in. (Yes, I would love to participate in your pyramid scheme!) It’s gross. We didn’t ask for it. Being too sales-y actually means doing things to people without their consent. Again, gross.
Rather, I would think of consensual sales as dating. You have to feel out what the other person’s level of interest is. I tell people that I’m a coach, but I won’t say much more unless they ask me questions. Sometimes people just want to laugh and shoot the shit with me, which is always fun. Sometimes people are like, “Omg! My life’s a mess, I need a coach!” and that’s also fun. Point is, I have no agenda, follow other people’s curiosity, and make an offer that meets people where they’re at.
(3) It feels fake.
A little diction lesson. “Fake” actually means disingenuous, which is bad. Don’t lie.
“Fake” has also come to connote superficial, which actual just means surface-level. When we hate networking because it’s fake, I don’t think we’re actually saying that we hate that people are misrepresenting themselves (though I’m sure that does happen), but rather that we don’t go deep enough with each other. In our present cultural moment, we’re all seeking meaning and connection and authenticity—which is to say, everything that “fake” isn’t.
That choice is in your hands when you network. You can just choose to go deeper. Creating vulnerability and authentic connection is 100% something you can do with some stranger you met at an event.
I’ll also say, you don’t to do this either if you don’t want to. There is nothing wrong with keeping things on a surface level if that’s what your preference is. We all have different appetites and velocities for vulnerability, intimacy, and trust. At a time where connection and meaning is sorely needed, I don’t think we need to disparage superficial relationships. Not everyone needs to be your best friend for you to enjoy knowing this person, and each relationship has its own speed.
If you want to work together on any of this, please reach out. About me: immigrant, Stanford grad, ex-Silicon Valley, and happy expat living in Berlin. I help underrepresented go-getters define and create their own success.
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