My worldview

The complexities of my worldview grew from a life filled with struggle and reinvention. I was born in Chengdu and immigrated to Chicago when I was four. Inevitably, I got wrapped up in the American cult of high achievement, perfectionism, and model minoritism. Some combination of these things landed me at Stanford. (I can see now how much internalized racism I carried, something I can now forgive myself for.)

After graduation, I took a completely different path to my high-performing peers, who went on to jobs in tech, non-profit, and consulting. I went back home to Chicago and took care of my stepfather as he died of ALS. He was also my best friend. I wasn’t prepared for how alone in this world I would feel once he died. I had to figure out how to treat myself with the same patience and empathy he always did. This is a form of kindness towards oneself that I try to teach all my clients. 

I found a job at a startup and went back to the Bay Area in an attempt to live a “normal” life. However, Silicon Valley was a terrible place to grieve. Everyone around me was trying to hyper-optimize their careers, while I was questioning who I was and what kind of life I wanted. Even in sunny California, I was always surrounded by clouds of cynicism, rage, and existential doubt. During the next four years, I had chronic pain that made it hard to walk and woke up in the middle of the night with stomach aches, because after all, the body reveals the mind.

I searched for ways to be my own parent and best friend, since I had lost both in my stepfather. Over the next three years, with the combination of coaching, bodywork (rolfing and fascia therapy), and a lot of long walks spent untangling things I’ve been told vs. what I believe for myself, I became more secure about who I am, what I want, and my way of doing things. I seek to help you do the same. Here are just a few ways that I’ve changed:

• I no longer compare myself to others. I used to feel so behind, so lost, so ashamed of not doing more or better. I was jealous of other people’s successes, even when it wasn’t what I would want for myself. Now I’m coming into a deeper respect for myself and appreciation for my own journey. We are exactly where we need to be. 

• I used to drink four cups of coffee a day after sleeping five or six hours a night so that I could be the “perfect” human being who powered through her to-do list, worked out everyday, and maintained a full social calendar. Now I start my day with a bubble bath and I take a nap whenever I want. I do way less because I say no. But I do everything better and feel much happier while doing it. These practices are neither indulgent nor luxurious, but actually vital in helping me achieve my goals. You have to take care of yourself, because nobody else will care about you as much as you do. You also have to enjoy the pleasures that make life worth living.

Instead of taking the next pre-programmed step to success, I'm developing my own frameworks, just as you are. I’m accepting myself as flawed, while embracing my completeness in the absence of perfection. I’m still finding ways to balance my self-preservation with my self-actualization, but more and more, I see how the two are actually the same. I have developed resilience and self-knowledge to help me along my path. And I want to help you do the same.