It’s okay if things are taking longer than you expected
What a slow morning. I woke up at half past nine (bedtime was midnight) and I still can’t seem to cut through the mental fog of having slept too long. Or perhaps, the fog of being stirred awake by trams and students, and drifting in and out of slumber without reentering deep sleep.
My calendar told me I had to start writing at 10AM, but that was never going to happen. Too many weird little rituals to do, too many things to consider.
I had to write in my journal and meditate. I had to reformat my Notion page in a way that soothes my brain. I had to rub out some stains from my shorts, which unfortunately are still stained, which means I have to wash them, which is annoying because I try to wash my clothes as infrequently as possible. I had to try to add some extra protein to my breakfast because lately my body seems to be hungrier than usual. Relatedly, I had to remember to boil my garbanzo beans so that they would be done by the time I make lunch. I had to ask my little pepper sprouts why they haven’t been growing when compared to my basil and tomato plants. (Conclusion: basil and tomatoes have tremendous lust for life, whereas peppers, like many of us, aren't sure that this is worth it. Also, it’s not fair to compare peppers to tomatoes and basil because of structural inequality.) I had to decide when and how to repot my peppers because, like us, they need more room to grow. I had to research why my knee has been hurting and make a decision to finally go to the doctor to get it checked. I had to consciously procrastinate on making the appointment (I’ll do it tomorrow, I swear!). I had to respond to some messages: a friend who is passing by later this afternoon, a friend with whom I geek out on Zelda, and my mother. I had to do some financial planning for stupid, expensive things that my stupid, expensive life demands: my ten year college reunion this fall and grad school application fees. Without any clue as to what I would write about for this newsletter, I had to draw a tarot card for guidance, then totally ignore the card (the Hierophant, by the way, ugh, so stuffy).
So naturally, I only started writing around noon. But I’ve been working all morning.
We don’t account for all the work that we do because much of it is invisible. It’s all the quiet noticing and worrying and planning that a conscious mind does that consumes more of our time and energy than we account for. I am a neurotypical, middle-class, able-bodied person with no caregiving responsibilities, and I still struggle with it.
If you are a calendar-oriented person, make your calendar realistic. Don’t make it a fantasy. When you time block, give yourself breaks. Allow space for all the vital, interstitial things that fill our lives like plants and doctor appointments and actually giving yourself the nourishment you need.
Sometimes these vital, interstitial things pile up and seem to take up my whole life. In a moment of feeling extremely incapable, I recently googled, how do you work a 70 hour week, to see how people do it. (Twitter says: a wife!) I came upon a Quora response where a dude (of course it’s a dude) said, Easy. There are 168 hours in a week. You sleep 56 hours, go to the gym for 7, that leaves 105 hours. So if even you work 70 hours, you still have 35 hours left. In other words, you have the privilege of having every need catered to you and get rid of all your friends.
So beloveds, this is just a little offer to be more gentle with yourself if you feel like everything is going too slowly. Perhaps that’s literally just the fastest things can go.
Slow is also not bad. Slow can be deliberate, careful, and caring. Slow can be sustainable. The difference between a thing that grows that burns out, and a thing that flourishes for years and decades.
If you want to work on this together, please reach out. We can soothe some of your anxiety around being slow. We can also take a look at some unhelpful things that are making you slow, like perfectionism, second-guessing, overthinking, and overwhelm. And lastly, if you’re stuck—which is quite different than being slow—we can get you to flow once again.
If you liked this piece and want more, please subscribe to my email list.