For moments when dreaming is difficult

I attended my college reunion in October. Of all the dozens of conversations I had catching up with folks, the moment my brain keeps retracing was when an old friend asked me, seemingly out of the blue, “Do you dream?” I had to think about it. “No,” I said. I sleep without dreams, and will only have nightmares when I’m stressed. “Do you?” I ask. “All the time,” he said.

I think he meant the question literally. My friend is narcoleptic and will fall asleep at the drop of a hat, so of course he dreams a lot. But my brain latched onto this question because I’ve been finding it hard to dream in the figurative sense lately. In a world where basic necessities are exceedingly expensive, and where uncertainty and instability multiply year by year, it is hard to believe that you can create the future you want. We see this play out more widely in the growing interest in 9-5 jobs and the proliferation of “soft life” on Tiktok. The impacts of the pandemic, war, layoffs, inflation, and climate anxiety are taking their toll on us, and we’re trying to find more control. To dream is to be confronted with all that we cannot.

I write this for myself as much as anyone else who needs to hear this. Dreaming is what keeps us human, fiercely. It is the first step to collectively building the world we would rather live in, which should be created at a systems level, though can also be created one changed life at a time.

That said, dreaming is also tender work that is not always easy in an unkind world. There are ways in which we have to take care of ourselves (and others) that make dreaming difficult. There are times to do less dreamy work, and if you’re in one of those seasons, I just ask that you take it seriously. Make the money you need for peace of mind and stability. But don’t let go of the hard work of thinking and feeling, of asking and listening—dreaming. When you’re smart and capable and fearful, it is so easy to get caught up in a million little worlds, some of which can be comfortable and well-paying, but are not the ones you want to be in for the rest of your life.

Also, it is okay not to dream because you might be in a moment where you are letting the snow in your snow globe to settle a bit. You are waiting to see what the right action to take would be, something your intuition will point you to if you can separate it from your anxieties. During this moment, give yourself what you need. Do the self care necessary for your body to feel like home. Build the routines and discipline needed that solidify your faith in yourself, in your ability to create, to show up, to be present. Find the stillness you need to sit with something uneasy (but not painful), uncomfortable (but not dangerous). This will grow.

If you want to work together on any of this, please reach out. About me: immigrant, Stanford grad, ex-Silicon Valley, and happy expat living in Berlin. I help underrepresented go-getters define and create their own success.

If you liked this piece and want more, please subscribe to my email list.